Change is Hard - Here's Why

Ever wonder why it is that you can be so "All In" on a new diet… do well for a few months, and then before you know it, you're back to your old ways? This happens to me all the time with organizing projects. I'm all gung ho to organize everything in my path, and then before I know it everything has returned to disorder.

It turns out, lasting change is hard for several important reasons. Tune in to today's podcast to discover these reasons and what you can do to ensure that the changes that you want to make are LASTING!

Episode Highlights:

03:41 Our thoughts are what creates our reality. All of us are creating everything in our lives because of the things that we're thinking. And so that's actually a really profound understanding.

09:08 Our primitive brains do not like change. Now, remember, I always talk about the primitive brain and then the human brain. So the primitive brain is all about survival and seeking pleasure in the moment, avoiding pain in the moment and staying comfortable and safe. So your primitive brain get super nervous about any kind of change because your primitive brain is afraid that if anything changes, you're going to die.

10:52 So I want everybody listening to understand order to make any significant change in your life, you have to do two very hard things.⠀***The first thing you have to do is to overcome the tendency of the primitive brain to want to stay safe, i.e. predictable and keep things the way they are. And you have to let go of old beliefs about yourself that are running 90 miles an hour and develop new beliefs that feel very unfamiliar and insecure. Is that making sense?

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Dr. Angela Zechmann (01:02):
So, well, today I want to talk about something pretty interesting because I struggle so much with this personally, and it has to do with the fact that change is difficult. Would you say that, Marchelle, would you say change is difficult?

Marchelle (01:16):
Difficult?

Dr. Angela Zechmann (01:17):
Change is difficult. We work with it all day. We see it on ourselves all day. We it, and everybody all day. So for example, for me, I have these visions for how I want my life to be. I work a lot at trying to be a more organized person. I actually just as an aside, I used to be in Toastmasters and I did a Toastmasters talk one time about how completely disorganized I was. And I brought in all of my organizing books. I had like whole box of organizing books. And when I was done with my talk, everybody was rolling on the ground laughing, but they all asked if they could, everybody wanted to borrow this one or that one or whatever. So I was actually able to get rid of my organizing books. So I, I just do this. I, I go on these organizing binges and I will clean out my closets or my desk drawers or whatever it might be, and things look great for a while. Right? And then eventually everything returns to disorder. And I always wonder why does it happen like that? You know,

Marchelle (02:21):
Ah, this sounds a lot like a dieting.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (02:24):
Well, that's exactly what happens with weight loss. You're so right, because we go on diets and we're very focused at getting our exercise and our nutrition figured out and we feel super motivated and we do well for a while and then something happens and things just seem to get disorganized again. And then we go back to eating the way we always have. And so…..

Marchelle (02:46):
And yeah, and I know this is speaking to people right now because I hear it all the time. I do it myself. I think this is everybody's issue is, is that go really hard for a while. And then something happens and it sort of just, you know, trickles off and then you go, go back to the way it was mm-hmm and then you feel disappointed and you know, why can't I just be consistent?

Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:11):
Yeah, exactly. I, we hear this so much. And so that's why I wanted to delve into it, because I think that the more you know, about how your brain works and the more strategies you can develop to overcome this, then the easier it's going to be to lose weight and then maintain that weight loss or in the case of me to get organized and then stay organized. Right. Right. So I'm going to suggest that we think about all of this from a new perspective. You ready?

Marchelle (03:40):
Yes.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:41):
Okay. So here's how this works. Our thoughts are what creates our reality. So this is actually the way it works.

Marchelle (03:52):
It's true. ,

Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:53):
You're creating everything, not you specifically Marchelle, but all of us are creating everything in our lives because of the things that we're thinking. And so that's actually a really profound understanding.

Marchelle (04:10):
It's a very profound, it's deep, it's deep.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:13):
Most people don't understand this at all. I know. So we create our lives because of what we're thinking day in and day out. So…..

Marchelle (04:24):
Let's say that again,  

Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:25):
So we create our lives because of what we are thinking day in and day out.

Marchelle (04:32):
All right. For those [unclear]

Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:34):
. Yeah, exactly. So most of us have no idea that this is what's going on. We think we're at the mercy of our circumstances. Right? We think that things just happen to us and we respond to whatever's going on around us. And so most of us are constantly trying to change our circumstances so that we can improve our lives.

Marchelle (04:56):
Right?

Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:57):
So essentially this is like trying to work from the outside in. We're trying to have a different experience by manipulating things that are external to us, but that's actually not the way it works. Our circumstances do not create our reality. Our thoughts create our reality.

Marchelle (05:21):
This sort of reminds me of in, in the empowerment project where you explain, you know, the identity change and you talk Uhhuh, it, you know, comes from like within and then exactly way out, rather than working your way from the outside in

Dr. Angela Zechmann (05:36):
Exactly. Exactly. This is what we do in the Empowered Weight Loss Membership. We're working with this truth constantly because what we think, and particularly what we think about ourselves is the basis of what we're able to create in our lives. Okay. So I've alluded to this in a lot of previous podcasts. I really wanted to go in depth today. So for example, let's think about how we create weight loss. If I have a belief that I'm overweight and losing weight is hard, guess what I'm going to create in my life? What do you think Marchelle?

Marchelle (06:16):
You're going to make weight loss hard. Exactly. Yeah. The experience getting there is going to be hard the whole time, because of the way that you think about it.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (06:24):
So if I have this belief I'm overweight and losing weight is hard. I, that is exactly what I'm going to create. I'm going to create a life in which I'm overweight and losing weight is hard. So then you say.

Marchelle (06:35):
It actually leads to, to failure because, Right. Yeah. It's too hard. Yes,

Dr. Angela Zechmann (06:39):
Yes. But, but then, you know, then people will say, well, Hey, wait a minute. You know, this is the truth. I am overweight. And every time I've tried to lose weight, it's been hard. So this is true. so now what?

Marchelle (06:51):
It is true. Yes, it is true.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (06:54):
So this, my friends is the classic problem because what's going on is you are using your past to define your belief about yourself. But your belief about yourself is what creates your future. Okay. So the past is a done deal. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. All that matters is what's going to happen in the future. But if you keep using the past to define your belief about yourself, you're just going to keep creating more of the same. Does that make sense? It's a little bit of a mind twister.

Marchelle (07:28):
In this group that I go to. And it's the definition of insanity. It's like it doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Exactly.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:36):
exactly.

Marchelle (07:38):
Yeah. We have to change our approach and the way we think  

Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:41):
Exactly. So in order to create a new future for yourself, you have to be willing to let go of the past and of your old identity and all of those old thoughts about yourself. We have to stop focusing on the past I mean have to focus only on the future that you are creating. And I want to acknowledge that this is not an easy thing. As a matter of fact, this is hard. And that's why we called this podcast, Change Is Hard and it's hard for several reasons. So the first reason that it's hard is that these old thoughts about ourselves are well worn neural pathways in our brains. So they're like the super highways that I always talk about with cars going 90 miles an hour. They're very easy to go to. They will just sort of automatically repeat themselves over and over again, without even our conscious awareness. So this thought I'm overweight and losing weight hard is hardwired in for a lot of people. Right?

Marchelle (08:45):
Right.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (08:46):
And it's repeating itself over and over again underneath the surface. Unless of course we bring awareness to it and correct it when it comes up. So that's the first reason that…

Marchelle (09:00):
And that's where the hard part comes in.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:02):
Yeah. Well just becoming aware of it by…..

Marchelle (09:04):
Changing it. Yeah. Just be, yeah, just, yeah, this is, this is where the work comes in.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:08):
Yeah. Now what's the second reason that this is hard. Our primitive brains do not like change. Now, remember, I always talk about the primitive brain and then the human brain. So the primitive brain is all about survival and seeking pleasure in the moment, avoiding pain in the moment and staying comfortable and safe. So your primitive brain get super nervous about any kind of change because your primitive brain is afraid that if anything changes, you're going to die. , That's, that's what your primitive brain thinks. So it knows that right now, even if you don't necessarily like your circumstances, you're comfortable and you're safe. You might not be happy, but at least you're alive and you're safe. So your primitive brain is going to have you keep all of the beliefs that you currently have about yourself because that's, what's safe. So….

Marchelle (10:06):
And safe doesn't necessarily mean safe in a good way. Like you were just saying, because it's like the same concept of somebody staying in a bad relation. You know, because they feel comfortable, Uhhuh maybe not so much safe is not the word, but they feel comfortable in it. Right. Because it's familiar. Although….

Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:27):
Familiar.

Marchelle (10:28):
Yeah. Yeah. Although it's not, what's good for you. So…

Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:33):
Exactly.

Marchelle (10:33):
Your body, your mind telling you you're safe. Doesn't doesn't necessarily mean…..

Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:37):
Maybe I should use a different word than safe. Maybe I should use the word predictable.

Marchelle (10:42):
Yeah. Predictable. Exactly. Predictable is it's predictable. Yeah. You, we want things that are predictable. Exactly. Cause it makes us feel safe.  

Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:49):
Exactly.

Marchelle (10:51):
 

Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:52):
Yes. So I want everybody listening to understand order to make any significant change in your life, you have to do two very hard things. The first thing you have to do is to overcome the tendency of the primitive brain to want to stay safe, i.e. predictable and keep things the way they are. And you have to let go of old beliefs about yourself that are running 90 miles an hour and develop new beliefs that feel very unfamiliar and insecure. Is that making sense?

Marchelle (11:31):
Yes. And I'm sorry. I just also wanted to let other people know. You know, so when I went through this, so that uncomfortability and that, you know, that, that feeling of not, not being predictable and not being safe, mm-hmm that, that only lasts for a while because then, you know, the, the other behavior that you're doing in order to change your identity, that becomes your, your predictable behavior after a while. Yes. You have to get there, you know, so it's not always going to be uncomfortable. It's not always going to be you know, unpredictable. It's not going to always feel like that. It's just, you have to be willing to go through that for a little while to exactly, you know, make, make a different lifestyle. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (12:11):
Thank you for drive that point home. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So it is going to feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar for a while until your brain kind of gets used to it feeling more and more comfortable. Okay. Right. So great. So in our membership, we have a mission and this is the Empowerd Weight Loss Membership. We have a mission to get you, thriving in a healthy, vibrant body that you're proud of. That's the result that we want to see you thriving

Marchelle (12:40):
For the rest of your life too. Not for three months. Not

Dr. Angela Zechmann (12:43):
Exactly.

Marchelle (12:44):
Or yeah. This is this exactly For the rest of your life. Yes.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (12:48):
You thriving in a healthy, vibrant body that you're proud of. Doesn't that sound amazing? Like, and these words are very specific. So what does it mean to be thriving? It means that you're not just surviving. It means that you're not languishing, but you're feeling eager about your days. And you're feeling excited about what you can accomplish. What does it mean to be healthy? You have a metabolism that's how along at peak capacity. Your insulin resistance. We talked about that last week. Insulin resistance is in good control and you're pain free and you're clearheaded. Vibrant. What does that mean? It means your skin is glowing and you've got good energy all day and your eyes are sparkling and you're eager to take hikes or to go play tennis or whatever it is you want to do. You're on it. You're not sitting on the sidelines of life. Watching other people do stuff that you wish that you could be participating in. So that's thriving in a healthy, vibrant body. What about a body that you're proud of? So you're not hiding in bulky sweaters anymore. You're wearing clothes that flatter you and they're colorful and bright because you're no longer embarrassed to be seen. You're not hiding from cameras or trying to place yourself behind other people in pictures. How many of us do that? We're like, oh, let me get in the back. You know,

Marchelle (14:13):
Totally did that. Or like old it be where you take the picture from way up above. So like your double chin.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (14:21):
Exactly. Yeah. so you're proud of your body. And when you look in the mirror, you feel proud. Doesn't that sound wonderful. Thriving that wonderful to me in a healthy, vibrant body that you're proud of. Yeah. So in order to do this, you'll want to develop a completely new identity. And so the identity of someone who's thriving in a healthy, vibrant body, that they're proud of. These thoughts of thriving in a healthy, vibrant body that you're proud of need to be nurtured and focused upon consistently in order to achieve that result. You can't keep looking in the mirror and noticing that your clothes don't fit right. Or noticing that double chin or the extra weight around the middle and thinking that you're overweight, you can't keep doing that and end up thriving in a healthy, vibrant body that you're proud of. It's like you have to suspend current reality for a little while, while you work at creating this new identity and this new reality, it requires actually living in the future while you go about creating that future for yourself.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (15:30):
So in your imagination, you're living that life already. Like it's already a done deal and this isn't easy. And as a matter of fact, it's quite difficult. So, you know, remember you've got your primitive brain in there telling you you're going to die. If you try to change and why not just keep everything the same. And by the way, there's a cookie over there and that's going to help relieve some of this angst and give you some pleasure too. It's not easy when you live in a society that basically glorifies over eating with food and beverage industries, constantly marketing to you and telling you it's time to have a snack or have a beer, or when our social constructs are so based around food and eating. So let's not underestimate the difficulty of this challenge. It's hard, but life is just as hard living in a body that hurts and is hard to move and that you feel trapped by. That's really hard too. So then the question becomes, which hard do you want to pick if it's going to be hard either way? How would you rather have it? Good question, huh?

Marchelle (16:42):
That's a great question.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (16:43):
It's a great question. So for those of you who are listening to this podcast today, here are some questions that you can ask yourself. Am I willing to become more aware of the beliefs I have about myself around my weight right now. Okay. That's the first question. The second question, am I willing to give up the past and envision a future in which I'm thriving in a healthy, vibrant body that I'm proud of. Question number three, am I willing to suspend my current belief system and develop a new identity for myself? And question number four, am I willing to become more aware of my primitive brain so that I can overcome its pull towards staying the same? What do you think about that? How does that sound?

Marchelle (17:38):
Yeah., Those are, those are questions, those are serious questions. I mean, I, so I wanted to just add something here. So, yeah, I know that when I was doing the thing, you know, just the same thing over and over and over. I mean, I would try these diet, whatever the latest, greatest diet was. Yeah. And I would get motivated and I would, and basically it was you know, these pre-planned meals or, you know, these programs were basic, basically they were making money off of just giving you their, their meals. Right. Mm-hmm and there was no real counseling. And, and so then I could do it for a little while, until I ran money or, you know, I got to like whatever, you know, a certain weight for a little while. And then if something went sideways, I'd go right back to, or even like, if I got bored for a while or just, you know, sick of the diet mm-hmm, , you know, I would go back to where I was and then I would gain the weight back and then some, and then I would have to do the whole thing in the mirror.

Marchelle (18:34):
You know, why can't I do this? You know, what's wrong with me? Am I worse than everybody else? Am I broken? You know, am I going to be doing this forever? And so this is where Dr. Zechmann comes into play because when I first met you, so you tackled this part of weight loss that so many people don't pay attention to, and it's this thing that's going on inside your head mm-hmm and the identity that you have when you are overweight and the way that we think about ourselves. And, and, and if we don't change that part, then most likely you're going to go right back to where you started. At some point you may be able to go a year or three months or a year, maybe two years, but Mm-Hmm we see this in the clinic over and over and over again, you know, people I was doing really good, you know, for a little while, and then, you know, something happened and you know, here I am again, and now I, you know, gained everything back and then some, so this is where the Empowerment Weight Loss program comes. in

Marchelle (19:35):
I'm sorry, the Empowerment Project, I'm so used to calling it Journey Beyond Weight Loss. Sorry. No, it's fine. yeah. So some of you may know it by Journey Beyond Weight Loss. It's now the Empowerment Project, but that's where this empowered weight loss, empowered, weight loss, sorry. Yeah. That's where this comes into play. It's this, this part of weight loss that you learn how to, to live differently for good. Yeah. You don't ever have to go back. Like you can throw those, you know, fat jeans away they're in your closet because you aren't ever going to need them again, because if you get the help that you need working on the inside of yourself, mm-hmm , which is what Angela does that I have never seen anybody else do. Mm-Hmm and, and I think that's huge. And so that's why, you know, this, you, we have this, this blessing of this, this yeah, the Empowerment Weight Loss Project. I, I know I'm not saying it right. I'm going to have to, you know, learn it, but it, but it's really, really good stuff. And if, if you're ready to, to make some, some hard decisions and do some hard things, but some permanent things that going to make you feel wonderful in the end, I'd suggest that you yeah. Do the Empowerment Project.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (20:51):
Yeah. Yeah. I'd encourage anybody who answered yes to any of those questions to consider joining us in our Empowered Weight Loss membership. It's a, it's a monthly membership. We teach you everything that you need to know to thrive in a healthy, vibrant body that you're proud of. It starts off with a 30 Day Done With Dieting Bootcamp. Okay. So the, during the 30 Day Done With Dieting Bootcamp, I'm teaching you how to get your metabolism rebalanced. So I'm teaching you like a lot of science. It's a ton of fun. So if you're into just go to journeybeyondweightloss.com and click on the 30 day bootcamp tab, bootcamp, I can't even say that, the 30 day bootcamp tab, say that three times fast. I know the tab that says 30 day bootcamp. Just click on that. And then you will be able to join us in in the, in the bootcamp and in Empowered Weight Loss. So awesome. So thank you, Marchelle. Do it. Yeah. that's all for this week, everybody. We will see you again next week with a new episode of the podcast. Take care. Bye-Bye bye everybody.

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Dr. Angela

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