In today's episode of the Podcast, Marchelle asks Dr. Angela an important question, which we hear often: "How do I stay focused on my health and eating properly when my family brings home pizza and wings?"
Sometimes it feels as if our family not only doesn't support us, but actively sabotages us. Tune in as Dr. Angela coaches Marchelle through this all-too-common scenario!
8:19 My advice would is always this; who's most important to you? You. It's you. So always, you are the number one person in your life. You've got to take care of yourself. So if you are thinking about changing your lifestyle so that you are going to be a healthier person again, this is for you. This isn't for anybody else. This is purely for you.
16:36 Like, and so what we need is a support for people who are struggling with sugar and flour. And frankly, you know, there are, I think there are a lot more people that struggle with sugar and flour than there are people that struggle with alcohol. So and so we kind of need to band together and help each other out
13:07 And here's the other piece of it; not being worried about what they might think if I choose to eat normal, healthy food. Like, it's nobody else's business what goes in your mouth. And frankly, it's not your business what goes in their mouth, either. Your business is to right take care of yourself and to make sure that what goes in your mouth, anytime you bend your elbow to feed yourself, is this going to be something nourishing for me, or is this going to be something that is going to feed my addiction brain.
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Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:27):
All right. So welcome back, everyone. So good to be here this week. How you doing Marchelle?
I'm doing pretty good. How are you doing?
Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:36):
We are for the first time, in a long time in the same room together. So this is going to be a really unique and interesting podcast because we don't usually get to watch each other's facial expressions and stuff. So this is fun for us.
Yeah. This is a little different. I like this though.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:50):
I do too. Yeah. It's more like we're having a conversation right in the clinic. Right. Which is interesting because this podcast was, this topic was born of a conversation that we had in the clinic one day last week and we were talking about, so a lot of times people come in with their partners. And so we'll have a husband and wife team or partners come in together. And that's always really, really helpful because they're learning the same things at the same time, and they're both committed and they're both ready to go. And, you know, we have them, we send them videos to watch ahead of time and, and it's just always fun when they come in and they're like both on board together and they're working together at supporting each other.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (01:39):
I always have to warn the women that usually the men are going to lose weight quicker because they have the testosterone advantage in that case. But, and so I don't want women getting discouraged. But it's always so much easier when couples go through their refrigerators together, they get all the crap food out of the house, they go through the pantry together, they start planning their meals together, they start cooking together. You know, it's always, I always think about those design magazines. Have, have you seen those design magazines?
Yes. I've seen them before and they seem very fake me
Dr. Angela Zechmann (02:17):
Yeah, they do, but they do seem a little bit fake, but, but they'll have pictures of these beautiful kitchens and, you know, I'm all about beautiful kitchens. But do you ever see like a bag of Oreos or, you know, package of Oreos or a bag of chips or anything like that, sitting on the counter in any of those kitchens? It's a beautiful bowl of fruit, right? Or right. Some tomatoes in a bowl or something that's gorgeous. And and sometimes there'll even be pictures of couples chopping vegetables together, which I love because that's like, that's like idyllic, modern life, right? But how often do we ever allow ourselves to actually do that?
Right. That's, I don't think that that happens very often nowadays, because everybody is working and yeah. keeping different hours and yeah. The fun, some of the funnest times that I have though, is cooking with my husband in the kitchen. Yeah. Uhhuh. Yeah. When we, when we find time to do it right. It's, it's really fun.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:11):
It is fun. So I say, why don't we do that every night? Why don't we cook together in the kitchen every night, right? So…..
That would be nice.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:20):
It wouldn't be nice. So Marchelle asked me a really good question last week and I decided we need to do a podcast on this. So Marchelle, what was the question that you asked me last week? Just let everybody in on what, what was going on for you.
So I remember when Rich and I first started our journey together, you know, it was great. We, you know, we were both on board. Yeah. I remember you came and helped us clean out our cupboards.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:48):
That was fun. Yeah.
We all went through it together. Yeah. We, we did the, the five day sugar and flour detox together. Yeah. We even videotaped most of it together. Yeah. And….
Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:58):
By the way that video is on YouTube, if anybody wants to watch it,
Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:04):
Yes. It's, it's part of, it's on YouTube in the Dr. Angela Zechmann, YouTube channel Marchelle's Sugar Free Detox Journey or something like that.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:13):
So and I just remember being really excited and he was really excited and we were both on the same page and it seemed very easy when we were both on the same page. And I think as time went by, and I think a lot of it has to do with, you know, we went on vacation to Mexico Uhhuh
Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:48):
You got off track together.
So, okay. So so we are right now trying to figure out how to get back on track together. And it seems like if I'm really ready and I want to set a certain date mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (05:12):
Well, so, so my son, I have to say he, he works at a pizza place. Oh. So that is another issue. Okay. Is that he can bring home free pizza and free hot wings whenever he wants.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (05:36):
Oh man. Okay.
And he does do that.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (05:39):
He does that.
And yeah, so that is, that has been a challenge for my husband and I.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (05:43):
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So the question is, how do I get healthy? Even if other people in my house aren't ready to get healthy again? Is that your question?
Yeah. That's yeah, that is. I would rather that we all did it together. Of course mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (06:25):
Not feel resentful. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So think about, think about it like this. Like what would cause you to feel resentful? Think about that.
Well that's a good question, actually. I think it's because I feel that this change in lifestyle isn't for me, sometimes it's hard work mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:11):
He's skating by,
And I'm also worried about his health and I'm worried about my health. Yeah. So I feel like also when I'm on track and, and I'm feeling healthier and he's not eating well, then I feel like, well, if you get sick, then….
Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:26):
Then you're going to expect me to take care of you when you have your stroke.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:29):
And I'm going to be stuck with exactly a paralyzed guy to take care of. Exactly. Cause you are not taking care of yourself, yeah.
And he feels the same way about me too. I mean, we're, you know, we're the same in that way. If, if, you know, if he's, cause like I said, we haven't had the challenge of having to do this separately because when we first started it, we were onboard together. Mm-Hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:59):
Yeah. So you guys are both sort of struggling like one day you're super motivated.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (08:04):
And he's like, I'm not ready yet. And then another time he's super motivated. Right. And you're like, I, I got too much going on. I can't think about it right now. Right. So how so what's going to happen? Well, here's what I, here's, here would be my advice. My advice would, and my, my advice is always this; who's most important to you? You. It's you. So always, I always say you are the number one person in your life, got to take care of yourself. Always take care of yourself. So if you are thinking about changing your lifestyle so that you are going to be a healthier person again, this is for you. This isn't for anybody else. This is purely for you. So you are going to work at eating foods that are nourishing for you and it doesn't matter what's going on around you.
So then you're saying I would do my own grocery shopping for my own food and he would do his his own grocery shopping?
Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:10):
Do his own grocery shopping for his own food.
Okay. That's a little different.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:14):
Yeah. Yeah. So you wouldn't necessarily, you might be eating together, but you might not be eating the same things together. Right?
So he would cook his own. Well, I mean, or whatever he's doing. Right. He does his own thing and I would do my own thing?
Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:28):
Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:30):
Is that possible?
Yeah. I guess it's possible. It, yeah. It'd be different.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:36):
Yeah. The thing that you have to note, recognize is your addiction brain is going to see him eating stuff that it wants
Yeah. For sure.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:47):
At least in the beginning. Yes. In the beginning, your addiction brain is going to go, well, he's eating pizza and I really want that. And so it's going to be challenging for you. But if you've set it up ahead of time and if you've done a 24-hour plan and then this is another important piece of this is you have a 24 hour plan. So you have a plan so that you know exactly what you're going to be eating for the next 24 hours. And this plan comes from your prefrontal cortex, or we've talked about this before. This plan comes from the part of your brain that has your long term goals in mind and knows that you want to be a healthy, vibrant person. And when your kids have grandchildren, you want to be around for your grandchildren and all of that. Right? Your primitive brain wants it's fixed right now.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:33):
So when you have your 24 hour plan and your husband and son are eating pizza that your son brought home from work and the wings and your primitive brain is like, I want that, you are going to say, well, that's not on the plan.
It does because then I have asked my son to quit bringing home pizzas.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:10):
Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:14):
It's the convenience of Uhhuh, him being able to bring home free pizza and wings whenever he wants. Right. nad, but I think that cause we, you know, my we're all addicted to the sugar and the flour and the flower. Yeah. You know, all three of us in the family Uhhuh
Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:53):
Well, and the other thing that you have to understand is that you're living in a culture where this type of eating is basically glorified. Right? You're living in a culture where most people whip through drive-throughs and they think nothing of it and they will go to the grocery store and like we've got the 4th of July coming up. So I'm just seeing all these 4th of July cookies and cupcakes and you know, people are going to have 4th of July barbecues and there's going to be lots and lots of crap around. I was just at a barbecue over the weekend. And I was surprised at all the stuff that people brought. But these aren't people that I know, you know, and these are people that I was just getting to know. And there were chips and cakes and cookies and all kinds of stuff. Yeah. And it was like, wow,
Dr. Angela Zechmann (12:47):
You know, it was kind of surprising to me because in my world, most people eat pretty healthy food. And once in a while, somebody will bring some crap over, but you know, I just ignore it, you know? So, so it's all about recognizing what's going on in this country and learning to say, no, thanks to that. And here's the other piece of it; not being worried about what they might think if I choose to eat normal, healthy food. Like, it's nobody else's business what goes in your mouth. And frankly, it's not your business what goes in their mouth, either.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (13:25):
Your business is to right take care of yourself and to make sure that what goes in your mouth, anytime you bend your elbow to feed yourself, is this going to be something nourishing for me? Or is this going to be something that is going to feed my addiction brain? You know, that makes sense?
It makes sense. But it's, it sounds a little bit difficult because you know, when you're in a marriage Uhhuh and you're buying, paying for groceries together and shopping together, Uhhuh and eating together, Uhhuh, you typically eat the same foods as each other.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (13:57):
Dr. Angela Zechmann (13:59):
Yeah. It's so this a little bit of a….
It's just going to be a whole different experience.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (14:04):
It's a paradigm shift, but, but here's what I think is probably going to happen is he's going to see you being very consistent with new nutrition habits. And he's going to say, look at Marchelle, you know, she's losing weight. She's feeling great. I want to a piece of that. I want to be like that too.
I hope so.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (14:24):
Austin, is probably, he's you know, what is he, 18, 19?
Dr. Angela Zechmann (14:29):
So he thinks he's going to live forever. That's what they do at that age. Right. He's probably not going to be interested in changing anything, which is fine, you know, he's, but he might look at you guys and say, oh, my parents are really, you know, they're eating healthy, he's got an older brother. That's kind of into nutrition too. So who knows what might happen. But if you stand there and you focus on you and pay no attention to anything else, you just focus on you and getting yourself healthy again, there will likely be a ripple effect.
All right. That sounds makes sense. Yes. Sounds like a great plan.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (15:03):
And think about the other thing I want you to think about is, and all of our listeners, I want everybody to think about other socially acceptable drugs. And I like to think of alcohol as a socially acceptable drug. Nicotine used to be a socially acceptable drug. It is now no longer a socially acceptable drug, except some people smoke cigars. And that seems to be more socially acceptable than cigarettes. But, but if you think about a socially acceptable drug, if some, if there are, there are people who are alcoholics and their brains do not handle alcohol well, you know, like they get, have a drink and then they can't stop. And so abstinence is the best policy for them. Well, what do they do? They go to AA meetings and they're in AA. And they're probably in the beginning going to several meetings a day.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (15:55):
I've known people who are like, yeah, I went to three meetings today and anytime that they are going to go to a function where, especially in the early stages of it, where they know there's going to be alcohol, they'll go to an AA meeting first and they'll get that social support that they need. Right? When you are noticing that you are struggling with sugar and flour, it's not the same. Like, and so what we need is a support for people who are struggling with sugar and flour. And frankly, you know, there are, I think there are a lot more people that struggle with sugar and flour than there are people that struggle with alcohol. Would you agree?
Oh, of course.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (16:38):
Yeah. And so and so we kind of need to band together
I don't think that there's enough awareness though, because I,
Dr. Angela Zechmann (17:31):
I don't think there is either.
I don't think people, enough people really know the damage that they're doing, yeah, at such a young age, because also I'm not sure if you've seen the videos like of the baby's first birthday and they get their own cake.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (17:47):
You know, and then they get to eat as much as they want of it.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (17:50):
I did that.
And they get it all over the face. Yeah. And they take pictures of it and, yeah. and like I said, you know, when I was, when I was an infant, my mom gave us jello water
Dr. Angela Zechmann (18:26):
So, so when you're, when you're aware that you are changing your nutrition habits and you live in a culture where we're either binging all the time or we're dieting and we're being good, right. It's just a, it's just chaotic in your brain, what can happen? And so getting the support that you need is super, super important. Right? So that you don't feel so alone in this. Right. So, so just be aware of that. People just don't understand. There's just not you're right. There's just not an awareness of what this drug is doing to our brains. It's eight times more powerful than cocaine. You would not, you would not count out your child's birth months, you know, how, with lines of cocaine or packs of cigarettes.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (19:22):
You know, it's interesting. I don't care what other people think about my food intake. And I don't know if I told you this story. I was in Minnesota last weekend for, it wasn't a family reunion, but we had cousins there from all over the place. And and I had aunties and everybody wanted to go out for ice cream. So we went to this ice cream place. I can't remember the name of it now, Granigans or I, I can't remember, but my aunt was telling me the story, she's 90 years old now and she was telling me she had not been to this place in 75 years.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (19:55):
Because she moved away and now she had come back and her memories were of, they lived south, this is the Minneapolis St. Paul area. They lived south in a, on a farm and her aunt and uncle used to bring them up to this ice cream place. And so we walk into the ice cream place and I was like, bowled over by just how sweet it felt. I mean, just how sweet it smelled. It was incredible. It was a 95 degree day and everybody is getting their ice cream and they're like, Angela going to have any? I'm like, no,
See. That is hard.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (20:33):
I'm not having any because why would I not have any? Well, because I know that if I eat that ice cream, I'm up for days and days and days worth of cravings for it. And I'm going to get bloated, I'm going to feel sick. I'm going to feel disgusting. I'm like, no, thanks. I don't, I'm fine. No worries. And it was fun for me because I was just, I got to talk to my aunt. I didn't have to worry about whether I was trying to, you know, keep from, keep ice cream from falling all over me and melting on me and all that stuff. I just got to spend time with my relatives. They didn't care whether I had anything or not. You know, they couldn't have cared less whether I ate anything or not. I'm just like, no, thanks. I'll have, I need water though. Give me some water.
Yeah. That's going to, so that's always been a struggle for me because, like I've said before in the podcast, you know, our family traditions are, are based a lot on baking mm-hmm and you know, birthday cakes at parties mm-hmm and you know, Christmas dinners, you know, with five different kinds of desserts that my mom hand makes and, mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (22:16):
If my auntie had made some ice cream, would I have had some, I would've said, I mean, they all know me by now. Right? Like I've trained them.
Right, right, right, right.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (22:25):
Like she would've, she would've said, well, you're probably not going to want any of this, but I'm going to let you know I'm making it just in case. Okay. But, so, so once people, once you sort of really start understanding that this isn't about them, this is about you and you stop trying to manage their feelings. And you just let them know ahead of time. Like, you know, I know we've been doing, we've always had all of these Christmas traditions, but I just want you to know that I've discovered that my brain doesn't really do well on this stuff. And my body doesn't really like it either. So I'm not going to be indulging in the typical Christmas traditions anymore. And don't take it personally. Like it's not that I don't love you, but I'm probably not going to be eating any of the desserts that you bring for Christmas. Right. So, and you know, you don't, you let everybody else do whatever they want to do.
I think that's where the changing your identity part comes in. That's so important, exactly. it's because you're not just on a diet. Yeah. And once you, so, so that's starting to make sense to me. Yeah. What you're saying is that, that you have to change your whole identity and then people around, you will know this about you mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (23:46):
I mean, I've always been the person that will eat all five of, you know, pieces of the dessert. Right. You know, if they say, what kind of pie do you want to? I said, I'll have, you know, one of each. Yeah. And so so yeah, I'm, I'm starting to put that together. So I know now why you do that work mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (24:06):
You have to teach other people that you're not the same person that you used to be.
That makes sense.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (24:10):
And you have to really incorporate that own identity in your, it has to be solid in your own head first, before you can actually feel authentic, teaching it to somebody else telling somebody else who you now are. Right. So the more your brain watches you in these new behaviors, the more solid of an identity, it will feel. It will feel a little bit disingenuous at first.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (24:33):
You know, but as your brain watches, you do it more and more frequently, you'll be like, okay, that's who I am now. Like I'm, I'm somebody who goes to an ice cream store with my family and I don't have the ice cream. Right. No problem. You know, it's not a problem at all, but it takes practice and it takes time and it takes support. Right, right. So, so that you don't feel completely alone.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (24:56):
So I just want everybody to know that we do have a wonderful community of people who can help support you in empowered weight loss. And we're there for you. If you want to join us, it starts with a Done With Dieting Boot Camp. Just go to journeybeyondweightloss.com and you'll see a tab there to join us in the Done With Dieting Boot Camp if you're interested in that. And as part of the Done With Dieting Boot Camp, basically it's your first month of empowered weight loss. And so you can already get into the membership there and join us in our calls. We have calls once a week; group calls where I'm teaching really solid information about how to manage this disease and in a society where, for God's sake, you know, we're counting birthday, we're counting babies months with cupcakes.
Right. You're I mean, it's, you're going totally against the grain. When you do this, you are it's, it's not, it's easy.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (25:54):
It's not easy unless you, I mean….
But it's worth it.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (26:02):
You can make it harder on yourself though, too if you start trying to manage other people's thoughts too. That's the other thing is when you're trying to manage the way everybody else feels about you, that makes it really hard. If you just are like, this is who I am. And you stop worrying about what other people think, then they accept you or they don't accept you. And if, if you are working at being a healthy person and somebody else is not accepting that about you, that might be somebody that you don't want to spend a lot of time with. When you think about it, like if they don't have your best interest at heart, what kind of friends are they really, you know?
Dr. Angela Zechmann (26:39):
You know, so, or they might be jealous because they wish they could do what you're doing. That's the other thing.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (26:46):
There's a lot to think about.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (26:49):
It's a lot to think about. So. All right. Well, we have to get back to work now.
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